Adventures in a Dreamland Life after...

Watching a show that has been off the air since 1993 brings back memories, but watching a show that I literally grew up with, running from 1993-2000; that hits me hard. I think to some  degree it’s not just about revisiting these television moments that connected us with these characters but also the moments we may have shared with others. The times we laughed and cried, the times we knew what these characters were feeling because we had been in similar circumstances.

My younger sister bought me the Boy Meets World series for Christmas this past year and it took me until now to watch it, to experience it again. Funny because it was one of my favorite shows as I grew up with those characters. Sure, they were older, finishing the series in college as I entered high school, but they gave me hope for friendships, family, what the world was going to throw at me. They really don’t make them like this anymore. When can you say was the last time you  actually grew with characters from a television show? And maybe it’s me, maybe because I have gotten past the years of daydreams and big hopes and have begun the process of understanding how the “adult” world really works, I’ve stepped away from the thought of television impacting my life as much as this series. I can honestly say that I have had films move, inspire, and motivate me to new heights, and although I enjoy watching television and have numerous favorite TV series, but it’s Boy Meets World that hits a very special place in my heart.

My good friend Ashley and I used to go on and on about this show. We would compare ourselves to the characters as if it were about us. She was the Shawn and I was the Cory. I never had a Topanga, but that wasn’t what made us similar to these characters, it was their personalities and even some of their quirks.

So why did it take me so long to watch this series? I have a lot of emotions connected to the stories they told and sometimes it’s hard to admit that not only do we grow up and change, but we also move on. Sometimes, without the people from our past that may have even influenced our future. It’s great to remember the good times, but it’s hard remembering the bad and how the way we may have changed as we grew older was not as happy go lucky as a television show that tends to resolve any heartbreaks and disappointments within their 20-25 minute window. If only I could have a Mr. Feeny/Eric mediator to fix the “relationships” that have been lost.

I will never have the answer, but what I saw in this show is also things I greatly believe…

That love is worth fighting for, and you cannot give up on it. It’s how we handle the conflicts that make the relationship stronger. 
That family will always be there for you, even when you mess up, to support you with the good and the bad.

That friends are your extended family and support you in your success.

So now that I’ve “grown up,” I see how much this series influenced my life.

Now, you should know, change has never really been that difficult for me. I’m used to it and in some ways I am very grateful for that. But, because I have tried to alter my reliance on change, I found myself settling, which is never a success strategy. I am so thankful for the way God works in mysterious ways, for the way God provides at just the right time.

And maybe it’s childish for me to write a blog post about the affects of Boy Meets World on my life, and how re-watching the series has brought up so many memories both the good and the bad.  As I’m sure the cast saw the end of this series as the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, as I revisit this, I too am closing a chapter and beginning another.

It’s exciting, certainly a change I needed, and I’m starting to see a new path. Now, I think I’m more like Topanga. If I could just find my Cory… 

So let’s recap for a minute…

After being in Burbank for 2 years, let’s take a look at where I’ve been and where I’m going.

Accepted my Best Buy dream job                                                             
Worked on a few post projects                                                                         
Annual Pass to Disneyland                                                                        
Sat in mix session at Warner Bros.                                                            
AFI Film Premieres (Love & Other Drugs, Company Men, Black Swan)        
AES Convention in San Francisco                                                              
Submitted Work to MPSE Student Competition                                          
Grammy Event Volunteer                                                                          
NAMM Show & TEC Awards Volunteer                                                       
CAS Volunteer                                                                                          
MPSE Golden Reels Volunteer                                                                   
Getting a Puppy                                                                                        
TEC Open Volunteer                                                                                  
MPSE Golf Tournament Volunteer                                                               

Letting my job get the best of me…                                                           
Best Buy dream job position eliminated                                                      
Mobile Manager at Best Buy                                                                        
Master of Science: Entertainment Business                                                  
Store selected to close                                                                                

Refocusing on what is important                                                    - In progress
Using my network to provide a better work environment             - Check
Finding a better work/life balance                                                - In progress
Further developing a career path                                                  - In progress

 Do you see what I did there? I had a great first year. Volunteering, working on projects, expanding my network and landing my Best Buy dream job, but something happened over the course of the second year. I was worn out and let myself fall below my own expectations. I let my job become my life, in a negative way and that influenced my inability to volunteer and further pursue my goals. Let’s be real… I don’t mind letting my job become my life, in fact, in the right environment, that is the ideal situation. But, when it becomes a chore, harder to get out of bed, and weighs you down, it is no longer the right environment.

I have recently “changed my environment.” I have found the simple things that bring me a sense of accomplishment. I find that the right mix of your music playlist can improve your outlook for the entire day. I have discovered that I can stay on top all tech and music/audio news to a point that I am informing people I expect to already know. I’m still adjusting to the fact that some people don’t understand that I speak geek, which can be insulting, but I’m pretty sure I can adjust that fairly quickly. 

So, what’s next?

I’m thinking there might be some more school in the future. I’m trying to be more active both with and without my dog. I’m working with my debt and have a comfortable plan in place to be debt free. 

There are moments when I feel weak. When I feel like I may not be good enough to achieve what I believe is possible. When I am scared of the success that comes with my accomplishments. When I let the fear or failure of rejection serve as a means to sabotage myself. This is also where having faith, and trusting in God’s purpose should push me through these fears.

In these past few months, if there is one thing I have taken away from my most recent experience, it is that no worry/fear is too big or small for God to have a plan, for God to take care of the situation and provide a better solution. 

Anyone can pursue their dreams, but it’s those willing to conquer their fear of failing that tend to succeed…

I love working in the mobile realm of technology because it seems to be the channel that continues advancing much faster than others, providing so many opportunities to learn and push the envelope of innovation. Each device provides additional features to keep people connected and make life easier, but it does not compare to the impact music has on people’s lives. We connect, we remember, and are moved by the notes, melodies, and harmonies of the song. We relate, understand, and are inspired by the lyrics. I can’t tell you how many times my ideas began because of daydreaming to a great playlist of music.

There is a part of me that aches to be part of that creation, part of that world that so easily creates and inspires, where sound meets structure to a point of enchantment. So as I have fallen deep into the technology realms of mobile devices, I knew there was something much more missing from my everyday life to make myself feel as though what I do for a paycheck is not only fulfilling to me, but also to those I encounter on a daily basis. I fear that if I do not use my talents and skills, I will lose them, they will become rusty, and unappealing to what I believe I am meant to do.

Now I should mention, I started writing this post just over a week ago but after several days of extreme manual labor along with other bodily aches and pains, most of my previous days have involved me waking in the 4am hour to be at work at 6am, return home by 3pm and divulge in a necessary nap long enough to then have dinner with my sister, and care for our sick puppy. All this only because things can drastically change within a week, sometimes less.

I may have an opportunity to chase this dream of music and technology. There are still pieces of this that I cannot yet mention as there are still pending tasks that must be completed before anything is truly final, but the timing is very near perfect. It is quite the transition, but who knew plan B would provide such a graceful exit strategy.

So here I am about to approach a new chapter of my life. With the recent changes to my employment location, I will have much more time on my hands to refocus, refresh, and rebuild a routine around polishing my skill set as well as my well being. Since the announcement, I can honestly say that I have never been so calm in knowing that I don’t have a plan, that I don’t know what’s next. I have put all my faith into knowing that everything does happen for a reason and that this is merely a sign that I can no longer settle for plan B. It is time to execute plan A, to develop it into the expectations it should have been all along. I will be able to be involved again, I will be able to be creative again, and even more so, I will be able to push the limits of innovation, growing with what seems like a great idea, to impact the lives of many.

 I’m excited about all these changes and I am determined to keep track of how they impact my future.  

If I have learned anything in this past year, it’s that the old saying is true…”Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” 

I didn’t think I had enemies until there were massive attempts to “put me in my place,” only to have me pushing back with polices and rules which everyone is expected to abide by. So why this attack? 

Well, I’ve been told I tend to be intimidating. I don’t know where that comes from… honestly. What I can tell you is that I will research and dig to find the correct answer that consists of several supporting elements. I can also tell you that I will be confident in my answer and if I am wrong, I will admit it, under the condition that you hear me out and you understand where I am coming from to the point where you might agree with me (do you see what I did there?) Ok, yes, sometimes I am wrong, but it is easier for me to admit it if someone uses my same tactics to prove their point and have me agree with their argument. 

So where does this lead me?

Well, there was some shady business not too long ago where I was told an associate of mine was attempting to throw me under the bus. I was literally in shock and did not feel the need to confront that person, but rather keep doing what was expected of me. Then I had a conversation where everything was laid out in the open, and all fingers pointed at the accuser. So I confronted them…

I was told I was crazy, that I was putting thoughts/names in my head, and that I should know the character of said accuser and their integrity. This lead me to blurt out, “I don’t trust anyone here.” They seemed hurt and lectured me on their personal integrity, encouraging my “tears of passion,” but further digging themselves into a hole of dishonesty. I even asked if I should call the other person who happened to be in the room when the accusation first happened (I did later… and I was NOT wrong.)

So when things started to fall apart, I watched people begin to change, I watched as they turned to me for answers, and I provided them the most information I could. I knew what was happening, I was prepared for it,  and even now, it makes me remember the events that occurred to my family 10 years ago. 

There are only so many times I can be disappointed by you before you move to my “I can’t really trust you,” list.

I like to think I give everyone a fair chance, unfortunately, people take advantage of that. If you tell me you are going to come over, I expect to see you. That means when you ditch me, or decide not to communicate with me that you have changed your mind, it stings a little. And the more times you blow me off, the harder it hits, which only begins to push you further outside my circle of trust. There are some people extremely close to me that fall on my “list,” which is sad, but it takes a while to rebuild that kind of trust. I’ve been through a lot in the trust category, and because of those situations, I find it difficult to trust even my family sometimes. 

What’s even worse is that I never used to do this, but because of the many times people have done it to me, I’ve started this bad behavior of poor communication. I know how much it bums me out or disappoints me and I don’t want to do that to anyone. So I apologize if I’ve been that kind of b**ch. I don’t want to be. 

All I’m saying is that being honest is more than telling the truth. Having integrity means you are willing to communicate with others, do the right thing, even if you don’t want to. But, if you can’t find the time to practice that kind of integrity, then maybe you’re better on the list… 

I haven’t written a “note” or “blog” or any sense of the word if it applies to my life, my experiences, or my opinions and honestly it’s been more due to me worrying about what others may think, how they may try to decipher what I’m saying and how those opinions may affect my future. At this point in time, I think I have to move past that worry and paranoia.

So in the past months, my “dedication,” has kept me from doing many of the things and events I look forward to. Funny thing is that I was told getting into this I would have full support to be able to continue to volunteer at these events. With the “challenges and changes” that just seemed to continue coming, I sacrificed my efforts for something I have a true passion and desire for to do something that would allow me to pay the bills.

There is no doubt in my mind that I am geographically in the place I am meant to be, and with my employer’s recent news, I feel like God is very clearly telling me to stop settling. I know there is a better plan for what I need to be doing. Very soon, I should have a little extra time to focus on polishing some skills that have been neglected for far too long. 

I have high hopes and even bigger dreams, and although I feel as though another chapter of my life is coming to an end, I am very optimistic for the outcome. 

And don’t worry, I’ll be recapping some of the previous months’s “events.” Definitely stories that need to be told. Hand over heart…